One Last Time
by hello-stargirl
Summary: It's been a year since he'd last gotten to kiss her and now, just for one last time, he wishes he could kiss her again before letting the darkness overcome him. NatsumexMikan


**Author's Note: **Since my first Gakuen Alice was a tribute to my power couple, I thought I'd give my favorite lovers another shot. I really don't like writing Natsume/Mikan fanfics because they always make me cry and I just really love them but I always tend to make them so angsty it's annoying. But since I really can't get Natsume out of my mind these past few days, here's my first attempt at giving them a shot. It's more of rambling really; an in-depth study you could say from my point of view, of the whole Natsume/Mikan relationship. Though it's pretty one sided. Still, hope you read and review. :)

**Fandom/Pairing: **(Post-Manga) Gakuen Alice; Natsume Hyuuga & Mikan Sakura

**Disclaimer: **No copyright infringement intended. I do not own Gakuen Alice in any form or way.

**Summary: **It's been a year since he'd last kissed her and its killing him inside that he can't do it again. His health hasn't been agreeing with him either. So he's just wishing, hoping, desperately pleading that for one last time, he could just taste her lips before he lets the darkness overcome him.

**One Last Time**

By hello-stargirl

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><p>Natsume Hyuuga has never claimed himself to be a selfish man.<p>

He wasn't one of those immature young men who would, at the cusp of manhood, jump head on and try to claim what they thought was justly theirs. No, in fact, if you asked anyone who actually knew the boy, he was far from selfish. The man couldn't even move without thinking of other people's welfare before his own. If you asked him face to face, of course he would never admit to it because even now, emotions weren't really something the boy was well equipped to deal with.

Unless, of course, it came to her.

It was unbelievably surreal how effortless it was for him to fall for her; she wasn't anybody special, she was only a girl.

But then again, she was different. More different than anyone ever thought was possible. She was different from everybody else because of that one little trait: her eternal smile. The smile that has made many wept tears to save, blood spent to keep and lives to preserve; the smile that made the great Black Cat cower in fear at the thought of losing it; the smile that made Natsume Hyuuga's existence worth his while again.

Even now, he still couldn't believe it.

Never in his life did he ever think he would be able to smile again, not in the simplest way like when it came to her, whose mere presence made him want to lift his thin lips and look at her and just drown forever in her presence. Never did he think he would be worthy enough of such a bright human being whose sole purpose in existence should be to grace every human being in the planet with her smile.

She changed his life.

She changed everybody's life.

And now more than ever, he clung to the crisp memory of her in the forefront of his mind, the sweet tangy scent of her perfume, that ethereal smile when it graced her lips, the wholeness of her being. And how he wished, maybe, for just one last time, before everything ends, he could kiss her again.

That was all he really needed.

Her kiss and maybe everything, everything he's been doing since that last year's Christmas Eve would be all worth it. The incessant running through the streets at night; the endless mulling over every nook and cranny of the school; the constant fighting, missions, being the absolute and perfect lapdog for the school would not be in vain if before his last breath he could just kiss her again. Hear her say "I love you" in his ear. Feel her warm hands against his cheek and her tight grip on his hand.

Just one last time and everything would be fine.

He could give up to the world and die happy.

Just one last time…

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><p>The raven haired boy gripped his chest as another sharp intake of breath escaped him; beads of sweat forming on his forehead as intense crimson orbs wandered from every corner of the road ahead of him; his rapid heart beating and his raggedy breath, still not enough to stall him from his mission for the evening, which was to find Mikan Sakura, even if it took his last breath in the process.<p>

He took a few seconds to rest, eyes still constantly darting from here to there, in hopes that a weak spot would appear from the corner of his eyes and a ray of hope would suddenly come from behind the shadow and show him Mikan. The more he stayed kneeling on the concrete floor however, the bleaker his view of the road ahead seemed to be and the heavier his heart felt in his chest.

He sighed and forced his body up, eyes immediately hiding whatever pain had seemed to pervade past his walls as he sharpened his gaze and continued his purpose; his stroll unaffected by his poor health as he continued to feel it in his heart: her voice, her heart, her love, searching for him from far away.

He knew he couldn't even hope to describe it; that feeling, that intense need to be at her side whenever she needed him; it was, as cliché as it sounded, just love. Intense arduous love.

And try as they might, no one was going to take that away from him; no one was going to take that away from her; no one could even dare and take that away from the both of them, that much Natsume was sure.

Try as they could to break them; that feeling, that gentle knocking in his chest, was always there, ready to convince him that everything would be fine, if he just held onto her a little longer.

"_Natsume!"_

There it was again!

Natsume lost all train of thought and let his instincts guide him as he ran from one street corner to the next; his speed unwavering, his eyes never losing its focus and his heart still exploding in his chest. He'd always wondered if it was his mind playing tricks on him but from the many instances he's gotten right, he knew never to doubt his heart when it came to her.

He could just imagine her in her room all alone, the frown settling on her usually smiling face and that grin nowhere in sight. Had things been different and he stepped away, maybe, just maybe, she would still be in her room right now, clinging to Imai or fidgeting over Ruka, both of which seemed much better than the forming image of her lonesome self in his mind.

He couldn't help but feel like he'd abandoned her; left her to fend off these adults, these people who are supposed to protect them and hone their skills, all by her helpless self that is until he hears her again, and like always, Mikan manages to surprise him, to prove to him that she'll be fine. She's stronger than she appears to be; something he's had to learn the hard way through the short months they were together.

"_Natsume!"_

He jumped again, following wherever his feet would take him, his only thought to trust whatever instinct was keeping him moving forward. He keeps putting one foot forward, eyes still intently searching for any sign, for any flickering image ahead of him but to no avail, only darkness meets his burning crimson gaze.

The chilly wintry air blew against him, 'causing his hair to flap all over his face and his hands to unconsciously hug his jacket tighter around his frail body. He could feel the urge for warmth take hold of him, for his flight instinct to kick in and make him want to go home in the comfort of his bed, wrapped up in a bundle and close to the fire.

Something was stopping him.

His pride? His stubbornness? Mikan?

"_Natsume!"_

And like a thief in the night, he was off again, willing his feet to locate where her voice was coming from; willing the time to lengthen, just by a little bit, so he could find her, willing everything to give way for that one last chance. But still, there was nothing. Only disappointment met him.

A deep frown formed on his lips as his hands curled up into fists in his pockets. He was furious and exhausted. He wanted to scream out but he couldn't. He wanted to give up but he couldn't.

He fell limp to the floor, his knees giving up beneath him as another surge of untimely coughs left his lips; if things continued getting this way, he knew he'd have no choice but to give up before he even had a chance; to lose her without even gazing into those sweet amber orbs. And he just couldn't let that happen.

He couldn't stand the thought of withering away without seeing her one last time.

Closing his eyes, he clutched his chest as another onslaught of coughs escaped him, leaving little droplets of blood to taint the floor beneath his feet. He stared at the little pools, wiping the little left on his lips with the back of his hand before wiping it away ruefully, failing to eradicate it fully and just 'causing it to smear all over and leave a bigger stain to catch the eye.

He felt weak; his legs even unwilling to follow him now as he willed them to stand. He felt incredibly stupid and worst, useless. All he could do was close his eyes and stop the tears as they kept poking against his eyelids; threatening to spill into the open air.

In that moment, that exact moment, he just wanted to die. He wanted to no longer be reminded of her smile, of everything and just let whatever deity in the heavens who would take pity on his soul, take him away from here.

He buried his face in the comfort of his cold clothed hands, letting the wool catch his tears as he just sat there disheveled on the ground, eyes glued shut, shoulders heaving and heart deep in pain.

"_I'm sorry, Mikan."_ He whispered in between sobs, letting himself, for once, feel vulnerable.

"Natsume!"

He could hear her again. And all he could feel was the guilt and sorrow for being too weak to take her away; he couldn't even bring himself to look up anymore and search for where he heard it from. He was just too exhausted to even move and his body was no longer agreeing with him. Maybe he had pushed it too much for one night?

"Natsume!"

She shouted again; the sound seeming relatively too close for comfort.

Natsume, doubtful but still hopeful, somehow managed to stop himself from crying long enough to look up and meet those passionate amber orbs glaring at him; the least expression he'd expected to see on her face tonight.

"Natsume! Baka!" She shouted through tear-strained eyes, her feet still on the ground as she stood just a mere feet away that he could touch her if he just stretched out his hand or leaned his head forward. The chilly wintry air quickly replaced with the sweet tangy scent of her perfume: orange with a slight hint of strawberry.

"What do you think you're doing outside at this time of the night, crying like a little boy?" She asked, obviously trying to scold him, but the stream of tears running down her face told Natsume otherwise. And like many times before, his instincts quickly kicked in and before he knew it, he was standing on his own two feet and had immediately wrapped his arms around her – the restraints of the barrier seemingly a thing of the past.

"You idiot! You idiot! You stupid idiot!" She kept crying, struggling against his embrace, hitting and punching where her hands could reach. "Are you really trying to kill yourself?" She finally asked, weak, hurt and angry, stopping to rest her still crying face against his chest.

He froze in realization as the question hung in the air; she heard him just as much as he heard her. She was here in his arms because of her nullification alice and like always, she was the one protecting him. He didn't even realize it in his sudden bout of shock and disbelief as he clung to her. He couldn't help but frown as the guilt of what he'd done, the pain he'd caused her, started welling in. Imai was right, as much as he hated to admit it, when she told him nothing good was going to come out of this.

He looked down at her and kissed her hair, tightening his embrace around her, pulling her as close to him as humanly possible. "I'm sorry," He whispered, ignoring the physical pain that was beginning to make itself noticed, as he pulled away just a little to rest his forehead against hers. "I'm sorry, Mikan," He repeated, his tone just as weak and in pain as hers.

Mikan just frowned even more as she began to wipe the tears away from her eyes, still hitting him on the chest whenever she could. "What are you doing here?" She asked after she'd calmed down; hands clinging to his coat just as well, though the warmth of his embrace did a much better job at keeping them from freezing. Her orbs still filled with more life than Natsume had expected.

"I heard you calling for me," he replied in that assured tone of his, a small smile peeking at her. "And I wanted to see you one last time," he added mournfully, unable to keep his secret from her, especially now that he was feeling weaker than ever.

As soon as the words registered in her head however, she quickly looked up and covered her mouth with her hands, guilt shimmering in her eyes as she slung her arms around his neck. "You idiot! Stop talking like that! You should be in your bed, resting! I didn't fight all this time to just lose you in the process, Natsume!" She shouted, guilty, angry and frustrated with her. "You could've died here tonight! Did you know that? And what did you think would've happened if the barrier didn't break all of the sudden? You-you idiot," She muttered, hitting his chest again as she broke down crying. "I don't know what I'd do if I lost you, Natsume."

He closed his eyes, held her by the nape of her neck and kissed her.

It was the only way he could think of that would make this all better; that would make her feel better or at least distract her from what he had just been planning to do all alone. And the same hunger just came back. He wanted to kiss her more than this. He wanted to take her away, keep her all to himself, away from this cruel world where anything, even him, was enough to wipe that smile off her face.

"I love you," She whispered as she pulled away, tears still clinging to her eyes.

Natsume tried his best to wipe them away as he kissed her forehead before kissing her on the lips again. "I love you too," He told her with a silent promise; knowing now that there was no way in this life or the next that he could possibly do that to her. Not now. Not ever.

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><p>Natsume Hyuuga was never a selfish man.<p>

He was never the man who thought of himself before of others; he was never the boy who put his needs above himself and he was definitely not the kind of person who would put himself before the people he loved. Especially not Mikan Sakura.

"_Promise me, you're not going to do this anymore, Natsume, promise me. Promise you're going to be there when I get out of this, that you're going to wait for me, alive and well, until I get out of here." _He heard her words echo in the back of his mind. He'd promised her to do just that, with the haunting taste of her lips still lingering against his.

And now more than ever, he was certain that he wanted to feel her lips against his again for a fourth time, to feel her arms carefully placed around his neck and his own embrace tightly wrapped around hers. Maybe it wasn't that time quite yet.

Maybe he needed to kiss her just one more time.

He wouldn't be content if he didn't.

One more time…

_The End._

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><p><strong>Author's note: <strong>Okay. I hope it wasn't too angsty or something; I just get really angsty when it involves these two. Told ya. But hey, it's still a happy ending, somewhat. I might make a sequel in the future, for now, I like it this way. I just really love these two. And basically, now I'm rambling on. If you'd like a sequel, lemme know, might give my brain some juices to write another one. My next story would probably be another RUKA/HOTARU one since my brain's simmering with plots for those two.


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